Always But Not Who You Think
by hestia-jones85
Summary: Severus waits alone in a park to make the ultimate choice - Voldemort or Love? But, of course, Severus can decide only when he gets there first.


**Always…but Not Who You Think**

Severus sat alone in the park, wondering why he'd agreed to go there in the first place. If it turned out to be something unimportant...He _really_ couldn't afford wasting any more time. The last year of school was coming, and he needed to make his decision soon.

He hated this – this swinging to and fro, this suspension of action. Lucius Malfoy had sent word to Mulciber: anyone interested in becoming the Dark Lord's servant was to attend a council on Saturday. Severus doubted if Lord Voldemort himself would be there; he didn't seem like the kind of fool who would risk meeting a large gathering of strangers, even if they were strangers who professed the common desire to serve him.

On the one hand, logic said that the Dark Lord's agendas were correct. Logic asserted that he was soon going to lead the wizarding world, and Severus would rather be on the winning team. He had been following the man's progress in the pure-blood circle for ages, and Severus was fairly certain he was going about the right way.

On the other hand, there were his feelings. There was this part of him that simply wouldn't listen to his brain. He was in love, by Salazar's beard! And that love wouldn't leave a noble, righteous, moralistic somebody who shared opposing worldviews. It was just his luck to be stuck between two things that couldn't survive together, and that night was the night he hoped he'd get to choose once and for all.

Now, if only _he_ would come quick.

Severus suddenly heard a rustle behind the hedges on his left. He sprang up, wand pointed directly at the spot.

"Whoever you are, I advise you not to move," he ordered.

"Severus," whispered the other voice frantically. "Git! It's me. Lower your wand."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "Show yourself first, and I will decide if I should take your suggestion or not."

"Right," replied the voice. "Let me take this off then." With a flourish, the Invisibility Cloak came off, and there he was with that trademark grin on place, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

"Aren't you lowering your wand yet?" the other boy asked irritably as he stowed his Cloak inside his robes. "Merlin, you _are_ jumpy."

"James," murmured Severus, relieved that the meeting hadn't been an ill-timed prank, after all.

James Potter jumped over the hedge and walked towards Severus. "Nice place, eh? Is this where you live?"

"No," answered Severus, stowing his wand in his pocket. "I don't live in a park. But this is the neighborhood."

"Where you used to play with Evans, right?" asked James, looking around with interest.

"With Lily, yes," said Severus. "Why don't we go there?" He pointed at a grove in the distance. "That way, we won't be seen by anyone."

"It's two a.m., Severus," said James as he rolled his eyes. "No one's going to come out for a stroll."

"I am not talking about Muggles, James. Let's go."

Severus walked off. James caught up with him soon.

"Are you okay?" asked James gently.

Severus glared at him. "No, James, I am not okay. You call me out in a park well past midnight and you don't even have the courtesy to tell me why."

"Sorry," said James. "I just wanted to talk."

"Talk about what precisely?"

"About…" trailed off James.

"Well?" prompted Severus. They had reached the grove. The two of them were surrounded by tall trees and the only light available was the silvery glow of the moon slipping through the branches and leaves.

"I heard there's going to be a council this Saturday," said James.

Severus froze. He had not expected James to have that particular information.

"What council?" he asked cautiously.

"Malfoy's gathering of prospective Death Eaters."

Severus noted the change in James' voice; it was no longer candid, but serious.

"What about it?"

"Are you going or not, Severus?"

Severus was careful not to let his nervousness show as he answered. "I could be thinking about it."

"Why the fuck, if I may ask?"

"You know why, James," said Severus firmly. "This shouldn't come as surprising to you."

"But, Severus," cried James. "You know what those people are like. You read the papers, for Merlin's sake! Do you want to become a murderer?"

Severus could feel the other guy shaking with anger. That was James: he never hid his emotions well.

"It's more than that, James, and you know."

"NO, I DON'T!"

"James!" hissed Severus. "Keep your voice down. Don't be an utter fool!"

James didn't reply for a while. When he did speak, Severus could tell he was pleading. "Please, Severus…you know a lot of it doesn't make sense at all. You know Muggle-borns have as much right to magic as we do. Look at Evans! Your best friend. She's incredible, and yet…yet you won't accept she has a right to being a witch?"

Severus sighed. "James…you…you don't understand what I went through. Lily is accomplished, but…we wizards are losing our rightful place, don't you see that?"

He sat down in front of James. "You are a pure-blood…you should be –"

"Don't you fucking dare say it, Severus," warned James.

Severus stiffened. "I see," he said, getting up abruptly. "I see."

They were silent for a long time.

"Are you coming back to school or not?" asked James roughly.

"Yes, I am."

"I got the Head Boy's badge."

Severus smiled. "Congratulations," he said, touching James's shoulder. He was relieved that James didn't shrug it off. "What do your…friends have to say about that?"

"Who? Peter, Remus and Sirius?"

"Yes."

"They don't know yet."

Severus nodded in the dark. "Lily might be Head Girl."

James grunted in reply.

"She's a wonderful witch."

"I don't want to listen to another word, Severus."

"Sorry."

James stood up. A second later, Severus felt his hand searching for him. He reached out and slipped his fingers into the other boy's.

"I'm sorry, James," he said again.

"Severus," said James, and his voice was cracking. "In future, if you happen to see me on the other side of the fence, just…just leave, all right? I'm not going to be able to fight you."

"I…of course," finished Severus.

James pulled his hand out and embraced Severus. "I'm sorry, too," he whispered.

There was an odd sort of pain in Severus' throat. "James, I – "

"No," said James, cutting him off. "I better leave right now."

Severus bit his lips.

"I think I shall Disapparate here," said James. He seemed to be taking out his wand.

"Be careful, James," said Severus, trying and failing to keep the desperation out of his words.

"Just…just don't be shagging Mulciber, all right?" replied James unexpectedly.

Severus grinned to himself. "I won't, I promise."

James had his wand out. "Is this…goodbye?"

"We will see each other in school."

"We may not look the same to each other by that time."

"James…"

"Right," said James brusquely. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

James appeared to be hesitating. Severus decided not to ask; he didn't want to ruin it.

"Will you…will you think of me?" asked James.

"Always," assured Severus without missing a beat.

Even in the scant moonlight, James' smile was clearly visible. But when the other boy disappeared into thin air, Severus wondered if he had imagined it.

"Always," he repeated. Then, he, too, left the grove.

This story was written as a joke to amuse myself and my friends at Livejournal. In no way do I support the ship - in fact, I have blasted it with cannonballs so that no one even thinks of getting it to sail again. :D

Characters and premises belong to J..


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